Happy Birthday, My Darling Firstborn
Today is Grace’s 4th birthday in Heaven. I write about her every year. The very short story is that she had a terminal chromosomal disorder which prevented her from growing bigger than 15-16 weeks gestation. She was 20 weeks 5 days gestation when she was born.
Ironically, there is a beautiful song in “Sweeney Todd” that captures my feelings about Grace as of late. Sweeney is longing to know his daughter, but fears that he never will. He sings this beautiful ballad to her and I thought the words would be appropriate for today…
Johanna
And are you beautiful and pale,
With yellow hair, like her
I’d want you beautiful and pale,
The way I’ve dreamed you were, Johanna…
And if you’re beautiful, what then,
With yellow hair, like wheat?
I think we shall not meet again —
My little dove, my sweet Johanna…
Goodbye, Johanna.
You’re gone, and yet you’re mine.
I’m fine, Johanna, I’m fine!
And if I never hear your voice,
My turtledove, my dear,
I still have reason to rejoice:
The way ahead is clear, Johanna…
And in that darkness when I’m blind
With what I can’t forget — It’s always morning in my mind,
My little lamb, my pet, Johanna…
You stay, Johanna
The way I’ve dreamed you are
Oh look Johanna! A star! A shooting star!
And though I’ll think of you, I guess, until the day I die,
I think I miss you less and less as every day goes by,
Johanna…
And you’d be beautiful and pale,
And look too much like her.
If only angels could prevail,
We’d be the way we were, Johanna…
Wake up, Johanna! Another bright red day!
We learn, Johanna, to say goodbye!
The difference between Sweeney’s longing and mine is that I know I will meet my daughter when I go to meet the Lord. It is part of my glorious hope.
